Has it happened to you that you are so angry that you say the first thing that comes to mind and then you feel bad? you just want the other person to be aware of how he makes you feel, but anger, shame or fear sabotages you and the situation turns against you. Do you find it familiar?
There is another way to express your emotions, a way that will help others empathize with you and put themselves on your skin without causing misunderstandings, disputes or rejections. And it is absolutely liberating.
The first step in expressing your feelings is to identify them correctly.
When you feel an emotion, find a place where you can be quiet for a couple of minutes and close your eyes. Next, try to recognize the basic emotion that corresponds to the seven possible (sadness, joy, anger, disgust, fear, contempt or surprise). In the next step you will give it a more specific name.
Second step is to be more specific you are, the better you will understand what you really feel. It has been shown that this will also make you feel better, increasing your self-esteem and affection towards others.
We must learn to empathize with others to communicate with freedom
If you talk about your thoughts you will be facing the situation in a rational way and the others will not be able to empathize with you. But when you refer to your feelings, the vulnerability you demonstrate by expressing what you feel will allow them to connect with you.
Never start with “You make me feel”
Communication becomes a source of conflict when it does not help us to be aware that we are the only ones responsible for our thoughts, feelings and actions. “You make me feel …” provokes arguments because it denies our personal responsibility, and attributes it in its entirety to others. Although it may seem that you are expressing a feeling, you are actually blaming the other, holding him responsible for your emotions.
Only if necessary, explain why your emotion
We tend to believe that we do not need to justify how we feel, but the truth is that explaining ourselves will help us to understand each other. This can help reduce the conflict.